just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
