Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
