I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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