yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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