apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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