last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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