I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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