Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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