I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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