Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
