So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize