a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
