I want to make a zoo with you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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