I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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