Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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