im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
