meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
