My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
