i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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