true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
