Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you would pick up someone in the library
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
