I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
