So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
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And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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