my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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