i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
