Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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