YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize