mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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