it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
