I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
