just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
