He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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