if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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