I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she peed on how many people?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
