i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
