I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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