I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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