Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
