she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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