I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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