I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
