I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I forget how to act sober
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