Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you're hired as official boob wrangler
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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