also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize