Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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