I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
