Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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