if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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