Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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