i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
