obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
