I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
