just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
