just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
