found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
