Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How naked do you want me to be?
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