you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
