I think I won the penis lottery.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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