Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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