I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
