it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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