I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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