i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
