I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
