I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
