I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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