MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
