I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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