I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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